Wednesday, April 22, 2009

How i became a hairdresser.

A breeze comes though the gap from that damn window, which never seems to close properly and as the elements enter into our quiet existence I roll over to see the woman that I have shared the last five years with and who I no longer recognize. It’s hasn’t always been like this there was a time where she was my world and I spent my life orbiting around her. But somewhere along the way I got lost, spun out of control deep in space miles from home. Its not that I don’t love her I guess I’m just comfortable and quite frankly bored of the whole situation. I find myself looking at and pursuing other women, which in my profession is like taking money from a cripple.

Three years ago I joined the noble ranks of the hairdressing fraternity, out of a fear that I become another miserable schoolteacher. I was twenty-three coming to the enviable climax of a useless fine arts degree with my only options to either wipe my ass with it or to enter a career of teaching stupid teenagers and on top of that teaching them art, come on. I remember the art classes at school the only reason students even enrolled was because it impossible to fail and it always felt like an extended recess.

Now looking back it wasn’t even my decision, I remember being incredibly stoned watching one of stupid reality television shows; you know the ones where a bunch flamboyant homosexuals storm into your house and cut the sleeves of you favorite shirt and insist that you shave your beard with some sort of miracle balm. Well anyway it got to the point, when they drag the unsuspecting man to get his fabulous new hairstyle and what do I say, “ I bet you I could cut hair, I have a fine arts degree” like the arrogant fuck I am.  Two days later I come home from another stimulating day at university and when I say university I probably meant say the pub. Stumbling through the door I am greeted by that upturned smile she has plastered across her face, then she goes ahead to explain that I have job interview at hair salon. The cheeky bitch applied for the job behind my back and three years later I’m still there.

I lay there watching the breeze gently blowing each strand of her hair into a different contortion of its original design. She slowly opens her eyes and lifts her head to reveal the drool from the night before and we wonder why love is not forever. I get up and clumsily make movements in two different ways towards the toilet. I sit there enjoying my early morning purge, as she wails from the other room about the fantastical dream she had and them precedes to enter the bathroom to remove a blood stain tampon that has been fermenting over the night, which she casually place into the bin. That’s when you know you’re in a relationship, when personal space is extends to the grotesque.

 The rest of the morning goes as usual, we put on our disguises and enter the world as the success young couple that the society expects of us. Give each other a quick peck on the cheek and then make our way to the opposite sides of town to participate in the joys of being an adult, work. Why didn’t anyone tell me that life was going to be like this if I were told about this natural progression I would have done something about it. I don’t know, I would have prolonged my studies, done as many courses that my government subsidy would have provided and become an academic sleeping with all young female students so that I would give them good grades.

Well it could be worse instead of being surrounded by beautiful young girls and frisky old women. I could have been another corporate stooge surrounded by cubicles and water coolers, besides I am really good at what I do. Some years ago I discovered the secret to being a good hairdresser its not how good you are at doing hair, its your ability flirt and charm the pants of people. Its like going to a bar everyday to chat up women except in this case the women come to you and pay you for the service. You might be giving them a great hairstyle, but you are really servicing their egos and showing them what its like to be a real woman, not the meals on wheels that their husbands make them out to be. 

44 comments:

  1. 能猜得出女人真實年齡的男人也許耳聰目明,但肯定毫無大腦。哈哈!..................................................

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  2. 人必須心懷希望,才會活的快樂,日子才過得充實,有意義,有朝氣,有信心。........................................

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  3. 以善氣迎人,親如兄弟,用惡氣迎人,害於干戈。......................................................

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  4. 沒有一件事情是好的或壞的,是想法改變了一切。 ..................................................

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  5. 一時的錯誤不算什麼,錯而不改才是一生中永遠且最大的錯誤............................................................

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  6. 當我微笑時,世界和我一起微笑;當我快樂時,世界和我一起活躍。..................................................

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  7. 獨居時,要反省自己的過錯;在社會大眾之間,則要忘卻別人的過失。..................................................

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  8. 與朋友在一起,分擔的痛苦是減半的痛苦,分享的快樂是加倍的快樂。......................................................................

    ReplyDelete