Waking up with morning rant...

As if some undistinguishable force has drawn the curtain on our lonely city, the sun slowly filters its way across the walls of the high-rise buildings, through the alleys and streets of the lost and disenfranchised, eventually to land on the wall of my small house snuggled in the lonely corner of the inner west. The sun gradually comes to rest upon my fragile exterior and as my blood boils, my mind become active and I’m forced to enter my reality.

The act of waking up from a long sleep is as traumatic as the first breath that is taken, after those nine months of bliss, as I cough up the remanents of the two packets of cigarettes previously digested. It feels like my naissance into the world as I purge the amniotic fluid from my lungs. Disorientated and overcome, I clamber my way through the torrents of sheets that surround me, as if I am stranded in a sea of Egyptian cotton with no hope of rescue. I eventually manage to crawl my way to the end of the bed and place my feet on the soft shag pile carpet beneath me, as the nerve endings in the soles of my feet echo the texture of the surface below. My eyes slowly come in to focus to see the visage of a city, where trees have been replaced with telegraph poles and mountains have taken the form of the high-rise buildings that dominate the skyline.

I wrap the sheet around my lower half and make my way to the kitchen to find a sugary liquid to remove the red wine tannins that encrust my mouth. Entering the kitchen I am greeted by my flat mate, Rudolf, with whom I have cohabitated for the last year. Although we are complete opposites, we have developed a friendship of smoking cigarettes and telling dirty stories, which we find great hilarity in, as we are on opposite sides of the sexual spectrum. The smell of freshly brewed coffee and toasted bread wafts through the house as we sit down and share the exploits of the night before.

I am always amazed at the frequency and quantity of sexual partners that gay men maintain with very little effort, with the attraction for the most part being totally aesthetic. You have to be fit, toned; muscular and beyond all that you must have a cock of unimaginable proportions. The shallower you are, the more likely you are to become an alpha male, as the biggest bitch usually has the largest cock.