Waking up in the arms of a lover as the sun makes it ascension into the sky, the light slowly filters its way through the blinds, casting an interlaced shadow that divides our lives. I lay there, one arm clenched tightly around her lower half, romanticising about a future that will never be. Trying to make sense of the situation in my head, I find it hard to form cohesive thoughts to justify an action that would lead to that inevitable path that we call a relationship. As the hours go by, falling in and out of sleep I find it hard to distinguish my reality. As my peace of mind turns to chaos, I decide to admit defeat and embrace a new day.
I release my hold on her fragile porcelain body and make my way to the kitchen to prepare vegemite toast and lady grey tea, which has become a morning ritual in the short time we have known each other. Entering the bedroom I notice her left eye slowly open and then recoil, as the corner of her mouth moves graceful into a half smile. The smell of toasted bread wafts closer to her and she opens her eyes. As she slowly becomes more animated I place the cup tea in her hands, parting her fringe to place a delicate kiss upon her forehead.
The morning passes like usual, but amid the toast, the tea and the passion something has changed. Deep down inside I know how the events will unfold: it’s not the first time we have been though this. I recall the last parting of ways and look for the signs, which I see instantly in her eyes. Finding the right opportunity, I brace myself and ask that question that no one wants to hear the corresponding answer, which is always the same.
I try to understand why I put myself though this time and time again- falling in love with people that could never reciprocate the same feelings. Always hoping they will eventually find a part of me they can’t live without, because there is always piece of them that is missing from me. I try to pick up the remanents of my heart that lays there lifeless on the floor and turn to her for some realisation: as she raises her head, our eyes lock as the tension becomes thick in the air. As I make that my last attempt at salvaging the situation.
To be continued...
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